Do You Really See Me?

I just got finished reading a blog of a new friend. She really challenged me with what she said. Stephanie, you hit it right on the head for me today, girlfriend.

I see so many different people throughout the course of any given week - carpooling kids to and from school (when I look my ABSOLUTE best, LOL), the many different trips to Wal-mart and other stores, Sunday School, choir, church services, By Design ministry opportunities, etc. But, most of the time those people don't REALLY see ME. They see the DeAnna that I want them to see. The one that "has it altogether". The one that stands in front of a crowd and proclaims the name of Jesus in song. The one that doesn't have real problems to face.

Now, I love to get together and talk with other women about anything - or should I say anything on the surface. Kids, housework, jobs, hobbies, family life, etc. nothing too revealing. But, when it comes to sharing what my heart is burdened about that is totally different. I have always been very private and guarded about what I was feeling or struggling with. Even as a child I internalized my feelings - so much so that it came out in other less desirable forms. And, if the truth were known, it is simply because of a lack of trust and a fear of rejection. Can I really trust "them" with my innermost thoughts and burdens? Will "they" still like me if they saw all my warts? But, what God is showing me through several different sources is that He desires me to not only have that type of intimate relationship with Him, but also with other women. He is telling me that it really is okay for others to see that I am not all put together all the time - it's okay for others to see "the ugly" sometimes. Case is point - last week I sent out a prayer request to our Sunday School class about me having to go back to work as a teacher next year and how I have really struggled with that decision. God was so faithful to send encouraging responses through several people in our class. Normally, I would not have sent the request out, but, because I opened up, He showed up through encouragement from our class members. It brought tears to my eyes as I read each response that was sent. He is continually showing me that when I do let others in to see those sides of me (that really do exist in us all) that makes me the real deal, and it gives Him an opportunity to show Himself to me and to bless me in ways that I might not have received any other way.

So, I would ask each of you to pray for me as I struggle daily to "take off the mask" as our pastor put it a few weeks ago. What we see together might not always be pretty, but, hopefully, it will be real - warts and all.